Writers Jam

God dwells in the corridors of an early morning LRT.

the LRT is a light rapid transit vehicle that is fully automated and driverless. the first in klang valley i've heard.

i grew up in a country with no public transport. well, we did technically have buses, but no one used it. no one needed to - Brunei's oil was dirt-cheap and the median number of cars in each household was 4.

i never realized this privilege. i always stayed longing for train rides. every time i went to India, i would beg my mother to go on a bus, to mount a random train to nowhere. she would stare at me blankly, reminding me of the horrors public transport poses to a woman. her warnings were obligatory; i was lucky to have never learnt the hard way.

university's difficult. living alone has it's perks, but God, does it have it's downsides. whenever I'm alone, I cease to exist, an onion peeled fully, waiting to be diced.

it got so bad, i used to hop on the LRT every morning at 6am sharp. the early mornings were sharp and there was a biting cold that was foreign to this nation. waiting for the train was an experience itself, I'd never been filled with so much melancholy before.

sitting in an empty train, when the skies outside had that blueish hue painting the night sky, was and is an experience I will forever cherish.

i forgot to mention that the reason i would get on the train so early was so that i could go to church. beg on my knees for mercy, for some form of purpose to penetrate my life, but now. looking back on it.

i think all I really wanted to do was ride the train. maybe God saw through that. my pleading amongst the pews was performative and He had heard my silent sobs in the seat next to me. and maybe that's why the freezing temperatures in the car never bothered me.