Writers Jam

I won't tell
now will you please
leave?

I stand
in front of the bathroom mirror
naked, in woe

I scrub my skin
hoping your touch would stop lingering

I make cuts in my thighs
for when you undress me
you'd find a bloody mess
that'll eventually grow into scars

I hiss 
like sizzling oil on a hot pan
when I put salt in these cuts

to feel pain greater than what you've caused
for you to taste the bitterness
to take away the delight you find in my cries

I dig into my skin
forming an opening
for your venom

to have myself consumed entirely
have you held accountable
for you to take the blame
despite my life being at stake

what is for such filth to do in this lifetime
but to look back at that mirror 
proceed to scrub away and shed skin

only to discover that your touch is engraved
beyond what is sufferable to destroy

coward, is all that I am
I bit my tongue 
swallowed my tears

I could not afford to fall apart
not in front of you

I found myself searching for a vent
sightlessly, with my arms spread across
every time I smelled your presence 

what if
all it took was a no
a nod in denial

for you to walk away
would you have done that?

how could I?
when my throat hitches
when the entirety of my body paralyses
when my eyes refuse to look at yours

I look back at the mirror 
but it refuses to look at me