Writers Jam

I'm done pretending.

I'm sick of holding down this lump in my neck,
Sick of biting my tongue, sick of hiding my face of regrets.
Sick and tired of being wired up for everything that you expect,
Ritualistic desires, how dare you fuel them at my expense?

Go ahead and take offense,
Threaten to kick me out and demand double the rent,
Shut me down, suffocate me, close off all the vents,
How does it feel to know that I will not accept?
I've stopped running down the path that you've led me, I've foreseen the descent.

I've climbed, stretched out and strained,
Tiptoes losing balance on the stepladder, never thinking it's strange,
How your love was always one step farther away.
How many times have I toppled over, just for wanting your praise?

I can't forget that pain, it was quite special,
If I ever disobeyed you'd beat me like an animal,
The perfect antidote,
Now I just write it off as a passing anecdote.

I've exposed the holes in this story, finally given it some air,
This cycle may have been punctured, but I'm still plugging up the tears,
A decade of leaks pours out, no crying over spilled anxiety,
I'm fighting the cousin of sleep, even if that means I have to keep my eyes open while my arms tremble and my whole body starts to shiver in fear-

Breathe.

I will leave my room.
I will leave this home behind.